Reach For You
by CountTheCrows
Summary: Four years they've spent apart trying to move on, but something keeps bringing them back to each other. Takes place after Bay and Emmett's mid-season finale breakup. Inspired by Miranda Lee Richards' "The Reach."
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer:_ _I do not own any of the characters. Bay and Emmett are the creation and property of Lizzy Weiss and ABC Family. Lyrics from "The Reach" belong solely to Miranda Lee Richards. All of this is for entertainment purposes only and no copywrite infringement is intended._

 _You are so far away thinkin' you should roam_

 **Friday, May 18, 2018; 8 p.m. - Emmett**

There's no denying it - the ocean is extraordinarily beautiful. Especially at night. No matter how long he's been out here, it still takes him by surprise. How had he lived for so long without enjoying this view? Breathtaking. Spectacular. There's something about living by a beach that just makes life more worthwhile. He can't put it into words. It's just a feeling. He still remembers being scared shitless on his first night here. Back then, he had wondered how he was going to make it. If he was going to fail. If LA would become one of his biggest regrets. And he missed her. He missed her so much.

But then he stumbled onto the beach - this beach in fact - one night and in an instant, he felt better. Calmer. It sounds cheesy, and maybe it is. In fact, he pictures the scene in some awful rom-com. The camera pans out and we see the tragic hero alone on the beach at night. The moon is glistening off of the water. He is thinking about something. What exactly the audience will never know. It probably has something to do with his girl. Doesn't it always? He thinks he has lost her forever. And then! Gasp! Shock! We see someone sit down beside him. It is his lady love. She's here. There's some predictable dialogue where they are waxing poetic about how they both knew each other was 'the one.' They look deeply into each other's eyes and kiss. And all is right with the world.

If only life was that simple.

But that is why we have movies and television and books. Fiction gives us a world where we can make everything better. Or worse. Or maybe just a balance between the two extremes.

Just then a brutal wave crashes into the rocks. It should frighten him, being out here alone, so close to the water. It doesn't though. He wishes he could stay here all night, but alas, he has plans.

His phone buzzes right at that very moment to remind him, as if he could forget.

 **What time should I expect you? I can't believe we graduated! Can't wait to celebrate. - Skye**

He would never admit this to anyone, but the last thing he wants to do tonight is celebrate. And he wants to celebrate least of all with Skye. And that makes him feel worse. Skye has been a lot of different people to him out here. First, an acquaintance. Then a friend. A girlfriend. An ex-girlfriend. A classmate. A colleague. A friend again. And now, whatever they are. Friends with benefits sounds so cliché. And makes him seem like an asshole, even though Skye is one hundred percent on board with the arrangement.

After breaking up with Bay, Emmett threw himself into his work. He had meant what he said. He needed to focus. It wasn't about wanting Skye - or any other girl. It was about his dream. But he's only human. So, somewhere in the beginning of sophomore year, he found himself becoming drawn to Skye as more than a friend. He had always known Skye had a crush on him. Subtlety was not the girl's strong suit. So, they began a relationship. It was nice. Sweet. They had similar interests. Had similar career goals. Emmett even found himself loving Skye. Not in love with her though. But loving her, none the less. And then something happened. He began to drift away from her. Emmett hadn't understood why. Or maybe he had and he just didn't want to admit it to himself.

The breakup was particularly ugly. Skye accused him of using her, first and foremost. Perhaps he had. She said some other things that are not worth mentioning now. What followed was months of not speaking to each other. Of course class with her was super fun. Emphasis on not. If awkward had a presence, it would have been sitting right in between Skye and Emmett.

There is that old adage however of time healing all wounds. Luckily for Emmett, that was true. And so in September of this past year, the start of their senior year, Skye and Emmett began anew. As friends of course. That was all Emmett wanted. Funny enough, the transition to being just friends went smoother than he imagined. It was as if nothing had changed. As if they had never experimented with being anything more. But then what do they say about assuming? Oh, yeah. Don't. Otherwise, you make an ass out of you and I.

Assuming he and Skye would remain 'just friends' was a big mistake on Emmett's part. Had he even the slightest notion that something would happen - or could - he would have been more guarded around her. But he hadn't been. It snuck up on him. The primal need to just be with someone. He had been so good, so focused. He didn't realize how tired of it he was. He just wanted to be in the moment for once. And Skye offered that to him.

In hindsight, he should have pulled back when she kissed him. Should have said no. Should have made up some excuse. It would ruin the friendship. It would get awkward. He didn't though. What followed was him and Skye embarking on a purely physical relationship. Any other guy in his position would have been elated. A no strings attached relationship? Okay, the term relationship being used loosely. Still, who would complain about that? Who would contemplate giving that up? An open invitation for sex without commitment.

Apparently, Emmett would.

He was bored with the whole charade. He wanted more, but not with Skye.

He knows who he wants the more with. He always has.

His words hit him like a freight train.

 _"This doesn't have to be forever. Maybe in a couple of years when I'm done with school..."_

Well, he's done with school now.

He's roamed the greener pastures only to find that the greenest pasture is back in Mission Hills.

Maybe it's crazy, but he can feel her.

He extends his arm out into the dark night, willing her to do the same.

And he feels her.

He knows what he has to do.

 **Sorry, not going to be able to make it. Heading back home for a bit.**


	2. Chapter 2

_My arms are ready for you to come back home_

 **Wednesday, May 16, 2018; 8 p.m. - Bay**

She steps back and admires the canvas in all its fine beauty. She doesn't have the words to explain what it does to her. All she knows is it touches her more than she could ever imagine. And she thinks it's amazing, to have so much untapped potential out there. And that all it takes to unlock it is for one person to give you a chance.

"What do you think, Bay?"

She glances down at the eleven year old boy beside her who is impatient in his anticipation of her approval. Or of her disdain. Either way, he wants to know.

"I love it, Justin. Really. You've done a great job."

He smiles and then offers her a hand to high five which she gladly reciprocates.

"Awesome."

It is difficult to believe that the Justin who is standing before her is the same boy from nine months ago. When he first came to her class, he was, quite frankly, a huge pain in Bay's ass. He was sullen and moody and temperamental. He didn't want to listen to any advice that Bay gave him. It was the closest Bay had come to giving up on a kid since starting the program. But something told her to hold off and hang on just for a little while longer.

After all, Justin had had a number of bad breaks in his life. There was a reason for his anger. And that gave Bay pause. It wasn't too long ago that she herself was a sullen, moody, temperamental fifteen year old girl who was pissed off at the world. Her way of fighting back was rebelling through her art. It gave her a voice, a way to say the words she could never find otherwise. She realized it then. Justin. He could never tell anyone what he was feeling. He simply didn't know how. Not in words at least. But through his art? There he could say everything he had ever wanted to without the fear of being misunderstood. Without the judgment. When Bay understood that, she found a way to get through to him.

And looking at him now, there's such an overwhelming sense of pride. For Bay. For Justin himself. They both came a long way to get to this moment. Bay couldn't be more proud of Justin if he were her own flesh and blood. She hopes he knows how talented he is. If he doesn't, she'll just have to remind him.

It's funny. Not once had Bay ever entertained the idea of teaching. After her gut wrenching breakup with Emmett, she faltered. And spiraled out of control. The easiest way to describe her emotional state was as if she had been on quick sand. Each move she made threatened to drown her and drag her further into a pit of despair. She wasted so much energy fighting everyone around her, only to realize no one was fighting back. She was her own worst enemy. And then it came. Clarity. To this day, she still loves that sign.

Clarity told her what she needed to do. And so, two years exactly to the day she made the decision which jeopardized her entire future, she made another one. She pulled herself out of the darkness and enrolled in the local community college. She took art classes and education classes. She was going to be an art teacher. But that wasn't enough. There was still a void.

Luckily, it was a void Regina was willing to fill. The Cracked Mug had become huge over the past few years. They managed to open a second location, which was even bigger than the first. Sensing her daughter's angst, Regina offered Bay the chance to paint the wall outside. But Bay wanted something else. She wanted to give back to the art world. There should be a legal - and safe - place for people - mainly young adults - to express themselves. That was when the Informal Youth Artist Foundation was born to Bay. She approached Regina with the idea of using the upstairs loft space to teach younger artists in training. Every Monday and Wednesday night, Bay would teach a class, free of charge. And every Friday night, she would hold gatherings for the kids to hang out. Or do whatever. Lastly, there was one final component. At the completion of each "semester," one student's work would be picked for the mural. It was something Bay would have killed for in her younger years. She was glad she could do it now.

In the beginning, Justin had been the dark horse of sorts in Bay's class. No one would have pegged him as the student whose worked would be picked. Especially not Bay. She is glad she was wrong about him and that everyone else was too. He really had a gift, something to offer the world. Bay hopes he gets the chance to do it beyond these walls.

"It _is_ awesome. Justin."

The boy blushes furiously and shuffles his feet.

"I couldn't have done it without you."

Bay musses his shaggy blonde hair.

"Ye have little faith. You always had it in you, dude."

He shrugs in response. Clearly Justin's confidence is something they'll need to work on.

"Who's picking you up tonight?"

Bay knew the boy's parents were divorced. And apparently it had not been at all amicable. She also knew his older sister was facing a second stint in rehab. Heroin. She had OD'd but survived. Then there were the numerous strings of women father brought home. Bay felt sorry for Justin. It had to be difficult. She yearned to make his life better, but alas, it was out of her hands.

From what she could gather, neither of his parents were abusive. Neglectful, yes, and that was mostly in regards to his feelings. All of their focus was on Becky, Justin's sister. That plus the bitterness of the divorce left little room to gauge Justin's emotional state. So he was left to his own devices. Which meant mischief. He wasn't a bad kid. Just one who made stupid decisions at times. Like vandalism. Bay learned that he had spray painted his science teacher's car after school. Much to his parents' satisfaction, the teacher declined pressing charges. But much to Justin's dismay, he would, in fact, not get off Scot free. Community service would be his punishment.

Bay was working harder than she had ever worked in her attempts to get the foundation off the ground. But she needed help. It just happened to be a coincidence that Bay overheard her English comp professor in a heated phone argument.

 _"No, Craig. You're right, I don't care about our son at all! Well, have you tried finding a place for him to do community service? You know what he's into. He's into art. There has to be some place for him. Why is this all on me? You're his father. Oh, okay, and I'm not busy? Yeah, your life is so hard. It must be awful having an endless string of young twenty-something's parading in and out of your life. You know what, Craig? I don't have time for this."_

Click.

Bay was at a loss. She obviously had not meant to overhear this dilemma, but she wanted to help. And she had a way to help. Her professor's face lit up when Bay explained all about the foundation. And that was how Justin came to be one of her first students. Well, student/helper.

"My dad is. My mom has a conference, so I'm with him from tonight until Sunday."

There's no enthusiasm behind Justin's voice. Bay can't blame him though. She is sure Justin's weekend will be filled with takeout and TV watching while his dad was otherwise occupied. She had met Justin's dad a few times. He seemed okay. Not great. Not awful. Just okay. But Justin needed more than just okay. She hopes his parents will figure that out.

She glances at the wall one more time, taking it in. Fabulous.

Just then the _whoosh_ of a motorcycle makes her heart jump. The last time it did that was when she returned from the Galapagos with Alex. Poor Alex. Her heart pangs with regret thinking of him. Bay had done quite the number on him. And not just once. Up until recently, he had been Bay's boyfriend. It was by pure accident that they had run into each other again after all of these years. She was surprised that he had even been willing to talk to her after the Zarra fiasco. But Alex was forgiving. Maybe too forgiving she thinks now. They ended up going for coffee. Coffee had led to dinner. Dinner had led to bowling. Bowling had led to an "I'd love to do this again."

And Bay had really wanted to do it again. Or so she thought. It was entirely frustrating. Alex was great. Truly. He treated her well and was attentive. She wanted to love him, to be in love with him. But she couldn't. No matter how hard she tried - and she did try - it would never work. He couldn't be The One. For The One was in California. Miles away on some beach with some wannabe director. Or actress. Someone who hadn't closed the door to him.

She had been so hurt back then. So vulnerable. So defeated. But it was never about hurting Emmett. It was about protecting herself. Closing the door was the only way for Bay to maintain control over a situation that was wildly spinning out of it before her very eyes. Because she had wanted to cling to his hope of "in a couple of years." But what if a couple years came and Emmett still felt the way he did on that beach? Bay wasn't sure she could ever recover from that. And so she did the one thing she could do. Make it permanent. But Bay had been fooling herself. She learned from Travis back in February that Emmett would indeed be graduating come May.

It was as if time stood still when she found that piece of information out. May 18.

She tried to ignore it, but it gonged rudely and loudly like a consistent bell. She wanted it to shut the hell up. Bay did everything in her power to make it go away. But the closer May got, the more powerless she became. And every time she would kiss Alex, she felt repulsed. Every time he put his arm around her, she wanted to push it off of her. Alex would text her with such love and her responses were marred with insincerity. She felt awful. Alex didn't deserve that. He deserved someone who didn't belong to a burgeoning director in California.

So she let him go. On April 18th. One month to the day.

She felt bad. Breaking someone's heart was never fun or easy. Alex would hopefully be resilient. After all, he was a catch. She made a wish that night that someone would scoop him up.

But ending her relationship with Alex was only one half of the puzzle. The next was what to do about her feelings for Emmett. Feelings that had never gone away. Not even close. Texting him felt wrong. So did an e-mail. After all this time, she wanted it to be a gesture. Something symbolic.

And then it hit her like a light bulb.

She had it.

There was a neat little indoor flea market not too far away from the Cracked Mug. Bay found it fascinating. They were stocked with cool little whose it's and what's it's. They also had this huge collection of keys. All kinds of keys. Antique keys. Vintage keys. Modern keys. Yet she couldn't find the right one. She spent the latter half of April searching high and low. And then the better part of May too. Just when she was ready to give up, she saw it. It was nothing fancy. A simple skeleton key. This was it.

Upon finding her key, she made her way to the local card store. Bay never realized the disdain she had for greeting cards. Once a staple of communication, they had become stale. Unoriginal. Redundant. Thankless. How was she ever going to find a card for Emmett in this pile of dreck? She needed something that screamed Emmett. Nothing too elegant. Emmett wasn't into that. She needed simple, but one that didn't border on uncaring. Finally, she saw it.

It was romantic, yet understated.

And as of tonight, still unsigned.

She thought once she found the perfect gesture or symbol and the perfect card, the words would come to her.

They didn't come.

Instead the stupid card stared at her all week long mocking her.

She was no mental health professional, but Bay didn't think it was a good sign when inanimate objects jeered at you.

She couldn't take it anymore. She put it into her messenger bag hoping that once inspiration struck, she would have it on hand. But Emmett's graduation was in two days and the stupid card was burning a hole in her pocket. Maybe it was a sign from the universe.

But then Justin's dad drove up on, of all things, a motorcycle. That had to mean something. All the other times he had picked his son up in his convertible. Which begged the question. Why the motorcycle tonight?

"Hey, Jus. Hey Bay."

Justin's dad's voice brings her from her thoughts.

"Hey, Mr. Appleweather."

"You okay, Bay?"

Justin's sweet concern makes Bay smile. He is a good kid. He would be fine.

"I'm good. You guys have a good night."

"We will."

Justin gives her a wave before hopping on the back of his dad's bike.

She walks inside the coffee shop and sits at a table. Her Sharpie pen feels heavy in her hand as she writes.

 _Dear Emmett,_

 _Happy Graduation. I hope it's everything you asked for._

 _Love,_

 _Bay_

 _P.S._

 _My door's never been completely closed to us._

Getting up, she walks out of the door and onto the street. The nearest mailbox is at the corner. It takes everything she has to open up the slot and push the card in.

Little does she know, Emmett won't be seeing it any time soon.


	3. Chapter 3

_Go ramblin' like a freight train and get yourself on track_

 **Saturday, February 11, 2017 - Emmett**

"Okay, we're here," the blonde girl says to him while sim-comming. "I hope you like it."

It is currently his third date with Andy and he has to say, he is liking her more and more. He met her through his friend Eric. Andy is a good friend of Eric's from high school and she is enrolled in USC's interpreter program. Which definitely makes communication easier. She is fun and easy-going and up for anything. Such as tonight. She brought him to the batting cages. Seriously. Batting cages. Most girls Emmett knew would never think to go to the batting cages on a date. But then again, most girls aren't Andy.

"Are you kidding? I love it," Emmett replies with much enthusiasm. And he really is loving it. No bullshit.

"Yay!"

From what he can tell so far in their brief time spent together, Andy bleeds exuberance. She never seems to be in anything but a good mood. It's uncanny. Andy is just a good ole girl. She is so different from Skye.

 _Ugh, Skye_.

Since their breakup last spring, their interactions had been tense and terse. In all honesty, if it were up to Emmett, they'd never speak again. But they were in the same small program. Seeing each other over and over again was inevitable. And unavoidable.

But whatever. He didn't want to be thinking about Skye right now. Why dwell on the past when you have an unwritten future right in front of you? Andy is the one who deserves his attention.

"You wanna go first?"

"Hmm, I don't know. You think you could handle me showing you up?" Andy asks with a suggestive eyebrow raise. She is too damn cute. Flirting with him over baseball.

He steps in closer to her and kisses her. It's not a passionate kiss, but still, it gives him butterflies.

"I think I can handle it."

"Okay then," she says opening up the gate and stepping into the cage. The first ball comes at her with lightning speed and she doesn't even flinch. Instead, she answers it with a big whack of the bat. He's impressed. Actually, he's more than impressed. This girl is fearless. What's more, it's not a fluke. She does it every single time the ball comes at her.

When her turn is over, she walks out and stands right in front of him, hands on hips, confidence overflowing.

"What do you think about that?"

He smiles.

"I'm impressed. You showed no fear."

Andy pretends to brush dirt off of her shoulder. "All in a day's work. Nothing to it."

Emmett is becoming more intrigued and fascinated by her by the minute.

"Is there anything else I should know about you? High speed baseballs coming straight at you don't scare you. What, do you tame lions on the weekends too?"

"Yeah, and then when I'm bored with that, I wrestle alligators." She looks around to make sure no one is near them. And then she signs without speaking, " _in the nude_."

Damn.

She's forward with her implications.

But Emmett appreciates that. There's no guessing with her like there has been with other girls. After the Skye fiasco, Emmett decided he needed a break from relationships. He just wanted to have fun, to date. He wasn't trying to be some Lothario, but he was twenty-one for Pete's sake. So before Andy, there had been Sarah. Then Elsie. He hadn't seen a future with either girl and that was okay. He had seen both girls only for a short time. The earth didn't shatter when things fizzled out between them. At least, not as it had with -

 _No_.

He pushes down the only name that comes to mind. The name of the only person he's ever been in love with. The only other girl besides Andy who is just as blunt. He cannot and will not think of her.

He's so lost in thought that he doesn't realize Andy's been snapping her fingers in front of his face.

"Earth to Emmett?"

"Sorry," he says, a hint of sheepishness in his tone.

"You wanna hit?"

He nods.

"Yeah, I do."

They spend the next hour trading off hits (Emmett holding his own pretty well in fact) until Andy gets hungry. She's the type of girl who doesn't need a fancy restaurant or any restaurant at all.

"There's this _amazing_ food truck not too far from here. They have the best hamburgers. You game?"

Her eyes sparkle when she looks at him.

"Definitely."

"Then let's go."

When they arrive at Moo-Moo's truck, Andy begs Emmett to let her order for him.

"Trust me, you are going to love it."

"Okay."

She orders him a double cheeseburger with bacon and she's right, it is amazing.

"So?" she inquires after the meal.

"That place rocks."

"Yes!" She cheers. "I found this place freshman year. Before that, there was no place on campus to get a good burger. It was all crap."

A lump appears in Emmett's throat. He flashes back.

 _"The food here is crap..."_

What is he doing? Why does he keep thinking of her? Will he forever associate crappy hamburgers with her?

"You okay?"

Andy looks genuinely concerned.

"Yeah," Emmett tries to assure her, but he's hardly able to convince himself, let alone Andy.

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

Andy looks around at the park nearby and for the first time, Emmett senses self-doubt. It's in the way she shrugs her shoulders, waiting for him to take the lead. Not that he can blame her. This is the second time he's spaced out on their date. He needs to find a way to salvage the night.

"You wanna go back to my dorm? We can watch a movie on Netflix."

"Yeah, I would like that."

%

He feels a hand lightly brush his cheek and he awakes. When he opens his eyes, Andy is staring at him, a smile on her face. She kisses him. It's just a quick peck, but all the same, it feels nice.

"Hey sleepyhead."

"Hey."

"So, I had a lot of fun last night, but I gotta get going. I have work in an hour and I still have to take a shower. But I'll text you?"

It's a question, Emmett realizes. Andy doesn't want to assume anything, and Emmett completely understands why.

"You better."

She kisses him again and then leaps off the bed. Then she takes a fistful of her – or his rather – dark navy t-shirt.

"Thanks for the shirt by the way," she says heading to the door. Then she turns around. "By the way, you're not getting it back." She adds a wink for effect. That sends Emmett leaping out of the bed as well right for her.

"Is that so?"

"Yeah."

"Well," Emmett says as he opens the door leading out into the hallway, "we'll see about that."

Andy kisses him again.

"Bye."

"Bye."

He sighs happily watching her go. And then he turns around and sees a scowling Skye.

She's giving him a major case of stink eye.

"It's not what you think."

And then he chastises himself. He owes Skye fuck all, but she's standing there burning a hole through his chest.

"Yeah, right."

He rolls his eyes. Nothing _did_ happen with him and Andy. It was a completely innocent evening. They watched a movie together and it got late. Emmett simply didn't want Andy trapesing alone on campus at two in the morning. So, he let her stay.

That was all.

He wants to defend himself, but frankly, he doesn't have the energy nor the patience to finesse an explanation to Skye.

Exasperated he exclaims, "Believe what you want then."

Then he goes into his room knowing full well that come Monday morning, there will be hell to pay.

 **Monday, February 13, 2017**

Just as he suspects, class with Skye is extremely painful. She shoots him these dirty looks all throughout the three-and-a-half hour session. And it's his favorite class this semester too. Advanced Film Noir. The fact that it's only February and they still have three months left of the semester makes Emmett's stomach churn. The way he sees it, he has two options. He can avoid Skye for the rest of the semester (difficult but not impossible) or he can try and make nice with her. Then again, achieving world peace might be an easier feat than making nice with his erstwhile ex.

Nevertheless, he makes his way over to her as she's packing up her notebook.

Approaching with caution, he taps her on the shoulder.

"Hey."

"What do you want?"

Okay, not exactly how he wants to start off this conversation.

"Can we talk?"

He motions to the hallway. Skye rolls her eyes, but obliges Emmett's request. Once they are out in the hall though she rounds on him.

"What do you want to talk about? Oh, I know, how about you screwing your way through USC?"

Seriously?

Emmett bristles at her insinuation.

"That's not fair, Skye, and you know it. And to be honest, it's really none of your business."

"Whatever."

"You know what? I was actually going to apologize to you, but I really don't owe you anything. We've been broken up for almost a year. I am allowed to date whomever I want."

"Doesn't really matter, you'll just bail on her anyway."

"Excuse me?"

"It's what you do, Emmett. You bail on people. You bailed on me. You bailed on Bay, too."

Just seeing Skye sign Bay's name makes Emmett's blood boil

He feels an anger he has never felt before.

"I didn't _bail_ on Bay."

Skye snorts.

"Okay, Emmett."

"Listen, Skye, I am going to say this very carefully. I am trying my best to not lose the little bit of composure I have left, but you're making it difficult. You can think whatever the hell you want to think of me. Want to think I'm a playboy? Fine. Want to think I 'bailed' on you? Also fine. But let's get one thing straight. I did _not_ bail on _Bay._ "

Skye rolls her eyes once more and turns the other way without responding to him.

He feels like he's just been punched in the gut. He feels like an out of control freight train.

What if Skye was right? What if he had bailed on Bay? Did Bay think that? He hoped she didn't. He really hoped she didn't. The truth was, he could never bail on Bay. He still loves her. He just can't be with her….right _now_ that is. But there are times he's alone in his dorm room and this picture of the future comes to him. It's flimsy at first, out of focus, and then it becomes clearer. He's sitting in a room of a house writing a screenplay. Something guaranteed to be the next blockbuster. And then someone comes in and puts their hands over his eyes. It's Bay. He knows instinctively it's Bay. Her hands smell of paint rollers. And he smiles.

He wants that future with her.

How can he make her understand – make everyone understand – that this is the necessary road to get to _that_ future?

How does he let it be known that at the end of the day, he wants him and Bay to meet at the same track?

It's a question looming in his mind, but it's one right now that he doesn't have the answer to.

All he knows right now for sure is that it's a big world out there, and he needs to live his life.

But he hopes Bay is living hers too.


	4. Chapter 4

_No, I could not forgive myself thinkin' I held you back_

 **Saturday, February 11, 2017 - Bay**

She awakes in a puddle of sweat, her heart palpitating a million miles a minute. She extends her right arm out towards the nightstand and grabs her glass of water. She takes a long, refreshing gulp, hoping it will help; it doesn't. She takes a deep breath in and slowly releases it out. Why is this happening? It's been a long time since she's had a nightmare of this caliber.

After the breakup, they came like gangbusters. One after another. Sleepless night followed sleepless night. And she felt scared, too. So scared. There's no easy way to explain anxiety to outsiders. Everyone gets nervous; this is true. But a panic attack is so much worse than butterflies. It feels as though your body is betraying you, like you'll never be able to get a grip again. You feel dizzy and nauseous. You can't trust your reflexes or your mobility. It's like walking in heels when you're completely blitzed.

Bay hated - loathed - that uneasiness lingering inside of her. It was always there, simmering beneath the surface. Waiting for a chance to boil. And after everything with Tank and Emmett, she was vulnerable to boiling often. But Bay being Bay didn't want to let anyone see how unwell she was. How exhausted, mentally and physically. But as she learned, you can't hide that for long. There's signs. The bags around the eyes. The listlessness. Lack of appetite. After five weeks of nightmares, Bay asked Kathryn for the name of a psychiatrist.

Dr. Chao came highly recommended. Bay, however, wasn't sure that was as much of an endorsement as it was an admission. Nobody - especially the moms of Mission Hills - was adept at dealing with stress. Or maybe they just wanted to a legal way to be high and block out the expectations that came with being rich. With everyone telling them they were lucky, etc. Bay didn't consider herself lucky at this juncture of her life.

 _ **II "**_ _So, Bay, why don't you tell me why you're here?" Dr. Chao asks._

 _"I, um, haven't been sleeping." Dr. Chao doesn't say anything. He waits for Bay to continue. She brings her knees up to the chair and crosses them. "I broke up with my boyfriend recently. It wasn't good. And I keep having these dreams - nightmares."_

 _"What are these nightmares about?"_

 _She takes a heavy sigh. "Emmett. My ex-boyfriend. He left for college in LA and..." And what? She doesn't know. "And I could have stopped him. I should have."_

 _"Then why didn't you?"_

 _Because I was afraid I didn't deserve him? I was afraid he'd resent me and stop loving me. Funny since that already happened, she thinks to herself._

 _"I guess I didn't want to hold him back."_

 _"Hmm." Dr. Chao writes something on his yellow legal pad and Bay wishes she had X-ray vision._

 _"I did something that I thought was right, but it messed up our plans. I didn't want it messing up his plans."_

 _"Do you still think what you did is right?"_

 _She shrugs. "I don't really know anything anymore."_

 _She takes a cautious glance at him, trying to determine the meaning behind his expression. Is it pity? Boring and redundant? A story he's heard a million times before?_

 _"What, um, what are you thinking?"_

 _He puts down his pad and pen and looks at her._

 _"Bay, what I think isn't important. It's what_ _you_ _think."_

 _She gulps._ _Maybe it shouldn't be important_ _._

 _"Tell me about the dream."_

 _"We're in my driveway and we're saying our goodbyes. But then I tell him to wait. Don't go. And he takes my hands in his," the impending tears nearly make her lose her composure. "So, he takes my hands in his and I think, hey, it's going to be okay. Only it's not. He begins to fade away - literally - fade away. And I start to scream, 'Emmett! Emmett' but it's too late." She's on the verge of becoming hysterical. "There's nothing I can do. He's gone and it's all my fault."_

 _Dr. Chao hands her a box of tissues._

 _"What your dream is telling me, Bay, is that perhaps you are - subconsciously of course - trying to rid yourself of Emmett's ghost." He looks through his notes. "You're an artist, yes?"_

 _Bay affirms this with a nod._

 _"The way you're dealing with this loss is the way I would expect an artist to. Erasing failures. Starting a new blank canvas. But Bay," he leans in closer, "you can't erase people from your life. No matter how much it hurts. Mistakes, experiences, disappointments all go into making you who you are." He then opens a drawer in his stand. "Here's what I am going to do. I'm going to write you a script for Xanax. It'll help with the panic attacks. You take it only when necessary. Okay?"_

 _"Okay."_

 _"And we'll schedule another appointment for you let's say in a month from now. See how you're doing."_

 _Bay nods again._

 _"Thank you."_ _ **II**_

That was such a long time ago. Well, not such a long time ago. But it had been a couple of years. She thought she was doing great. She was even dating again. There is no logical reason why she is suffering from these nightmares again. And the panic attacks. No logical reason whatsoever, and yet, she is.

Her phone is sitting on her nightstand just a few feet away from her. She could text Alex. He wouldn't mind. That was the awesome thing about Alex - he really wouldn't mind. Most guys would say that, use it as a line. But the minute they were woken up by a panicked girl they were dating, they would be pissed. Alex, though, Alex was different. He would want her to call him, to reach out to him for comfort. Even if it was - shit - two a.m.?

Jeez, Bay.

Wait, she looks again at the date. February 11th. She feels like smacking herself in the head. Of course that's why she is feeling this way. It was this date five years ago that Emmett first told her he loved her. And she loved him too. Oh how she loved him. She makes a mental note that the tense is wrong. Love **d** would imply it was a feeling she no longer had, and that was simply untrue. Barbaric even. Loving Emmett was akin to breathing. And how can you put an expiration date on breathing?

Simple.

You can't.

Maybe it's melodramatic; Bay had always been the center of the drama anyway. Maybe it's some kind of retroactive teen angst, although she's long past those years of her life. Or maybe, just maybe, it's just reality. She will always love Emmett Bledsoe. It'll always be there for her, even if she tries her best to ignore it. Because that's what love – real love – does. Run far enough, fast enough, you can kid yourself into thinking it's long past. But it's not. The minute you reach that cracked curb or that bend in the road, it's there. You feel it. It could be the most random of moments., an everyday mundane activity like brushing your teeth or showering. It only takes a second, to let your guard down, and all the memories and feelings you've worked so hard to rid yourself of are there.

It's just common sense.

There's a difference between fixed and healed. A fractured bone will heal; it'll never be fixed. A fractured heart is the same thing.

Alex is great, wonderful even. He's the type of guy who has had Valentine's Day planned for weeks. Months even. And Bay isn't exactly not looking forward to spending Valentine's Day with Alex. But she's not jumping for joy – like she would be with Emmett – either. And it's sucky to compare the two. She knows that. Like, she _knows_ that, but say you've had the most delectable dessert of your life. A gorgeous piece of a three-layered chocolate cake. You want to savor it because even if you come back to the same restaurant and order it again, it'll never taste the way it did the first time. And let's say the second time you order the carrot cake. The carrot cake is delicious. It's even worth all the extra calories. But it's not the three-layered chocolate cake. In a world where the three-layered chocolate cake didn't exist? The carrot cake would be the clear winner. In a world where the chocolate cake does it exist, though, the carrot cake is merely a contender.

It's odd. Thinking about Emmett is soothing and painful. It's calming and it makes her anxious.

She steadies herself and thinks back breathing exercises she learned from Dr. Chao. Then she lays back down, the back of her head feels soft against the pillow. She closes her eyes.

One, two, three…

" _Are we going to fall out of love?"_

Four…five…

" _Did you just say_ _are we going to fall out of love? Meaning we are currently….?"_

" _I am."_

" _Me too."_

Six….seven…

" _Does he ever talk about me?"_

 _Travis gives her a look that she can't quite figure out. It's somewhere in between pity and knowing that saying something to Bay would be a huge breach of Emmett's trust. He's torn. If he tells her the truth, he gives Bay some solace. But he's also betraying Emmett. So, he settles on a half-truth._

" _I think it's just hard for him, Bay."_

 _She nods. She gets it._

" _Thanks, Travis."_

Eight…nine…

 _It takes three tries, but finally she's able to hack Toby's Facebook account. She knows she shouldn't be doing this, but she can't help it. She needs to see him._

 _She scrolls down Toby's friends until she gets to him. Her hands are clammy as she clicks on his profile._

 _And there it is. Pictures. Of him and Skye. It's a slight relief that he hasn't put these up himself, rather Skye has tagged him, hence why it's coming up under his name._

 _But still. There are pictures of Emmett and Skye._

 _An overwhelming sense comes over Bay. Thankfully she makes it to the toilet in time to heave up her breakfast._

Ten…eleven…

" _I didn't want to hold him back," it comes out all choked up._

 _Regina looks at her biological daughter, the one she never had the privilege to raise, the one who is standing in her doorway right now completely wasted._

" _What?"_

" _Emmett," she sobs. "I didn't….I could have asked him to stay. I should have asked him to stay, but I was afraid that he would…that he'd wake up one day and…."_

" _Alright. It's okay, Bay. It's okay." Regina gently guides Bay into the guesthouse as she stumbles all over the place having no semblance of balance. They stop in front of the couch and Bay immediately plops down on it._

" _He's just so smart, you know. So talented. All that talent and smart. He's smartalanted! Ha! I made up a new word! He's so cute, too." Bay looks Regina square in the face. "Have you ever smelled him? Oh, Regina, you should! He smells so perfect." Bay starts an incoherent kind of giggle. "He's going to be a famous director one day. I couldn't let him throw that away for me. But it hurts," she whispers, "it hurts so much." She sobs louder, sounding like a wounded animal. "It's like I cracked a rib, it hurts so damn much. Can you make it stop, Regina? Can you?"_

 _But she knows even in her intoxicated state that no one can make it stop. It's just something she'll have to live with._

Her eyes flash open and she begins to wonder if this qualifies as an as needed moment.

Oh yeah, it definitely is.


	5. Chapter 5

_And can you feel me_

 _Saturday, May 19, 2018; 6 a.m. - Emmett_

He finds the earliest flight out to Kansas City as he can. Unfortunately it's not until the next morning and it's early, as in getting up with the sun early. But it's worth it; it's Bay. In the end, she's all that matters. It's what it has always come down to. It's all that he knows for sure. Even if things with Bay don't go as he plans, there's a comfort in the notion that there will never be a true finality to their relationship. Their love for one another has always been there, at least for Emmett. He likes to compare it to energy; potential and kinetic. Although it's not an entirely accurate comparison. When has anything been potential for him when it comes to Bay? Never. It was more a matter of could they end up in the same place at the same time? And by place, he doesn't mean zip code or city. But station in life.

Looking back all those years ago on the beach, they definitely were not. He remembers wondering in that instant when he ended their relationship - which he hoped would only be temporary - if that was what it was like for Bay when he was going through his own issues. Bay had to watch him spiral out of control to the point where he wrecked everything. In a way, Bay was doing the same thing he had. Not the very same thing of course. Emmett's crash and burn had been the result of selfishness mostly. And Bay's had been the result of selflessness. Not that it mattered. They both ended up in the same place. Bay couldn't save Emmett and he couldn't save her either. He wanted too, though. It wasn't that Bay's lack of direction - or lack of grasp on life maybe was a better way to describe it - made her weak in his eyes or unattractive. If anything, it hurt him. It hurt him that she had given up so much for Daphne. He was mad at Bay and he was mad _for_ Bay. Because if anyone deserved happiness, it was her. No matter how much crap they had been through or still might go through, he only wants the best for her. But it's a moot point when they don't seem to want the best for themselves.

He feels the plane take off and it's equal parts scary and fun. He feels himself doze off for a while and when he awakens, it seems they have turned off the fasten seatbelt sign and allowed passengers to use the permitted electronic devices. He removes his laptop from his bag and hits the power button. When it's fully booted, he clicks on his documents. It's a little silly that he had to do it this way, he thinks when he clicks on a folder that is titled **Read More** and in there is a subfolder with only one word: **Bay.** He hasn't looked at it in years. Mostly because it was too painful. There's a whole bunch of conversations ranging from early on in their relationship to the first few months of being apart after Bay took the fall for Daphne. He feels a sudden whoosh of emotion as he reads through some of it.

 **[EmBledz has invited BayK1022 to chat]**

 **EmBledz: Are you there?**

 **BayK1022: Hey :) I am here. Why didn't you text?**

 **EmBledz: Phone is dead :( Need to charge. But I wanted to talk to you :) How are you?**

 **BayK1022: I'm okay. I miss you though.**

 **EmBledz: Miss you too.**

 **BayK1022: Well, hopefully the Bay embargo will be lifted soon at the Bledsoe residence. Melody still throwing darts at my head?**

 **EmBledz: Ugh, no mom talk. Please.**

 **BayK1022: Sorry.**

 **EmBledz: It's okay. I actually have to get going anyway.**

 **BayK1022: Emmett….**

 **EmBledz: It's OKAY, Bay. Have a history test. *Kiss***

 **BayK1022: *Kiss***

 **[EmBledz has logged off]**

 **June 12, 2012**

 **From: EmBledz**

 **To: BayK1022**

 **Subject: I'm sorry**

 **Dear Bay,**

 **I know you don't want to talk to me right now and this e-mail is probably the last thing on earth you want to read. But I need to send it to you to tell you I'm sorry. I'm so sorry about Simone. It had nothing to do with you. It was all me. I love you, Bay. Please believe that.**

 **Emmett**

 **[BayK1022 has invited EmBledz to chat]**

 **BayK1022: Hey. How is LA? Are you loving yet.**

 **EmBledz: It's okay…**

 **BayK1022: Just okay?**

 **EmBledz: Yeah. I haven't gotten out much.**

 **BayK1022: Why not?**

 **EmBledz: I don't know.**

 **BayK1022: Emmett…**

 **EmBledz: I'll be okay. I'll get out.**

 **BayK1022: Good! You should. When I come out there in December, you'll be so in love with it out there. It's going to be great.**

 **EmBledz: Yeah...sure. Listen, I should get going. I have this critical paper that I haven't even started writing yet.**

 **BayK1022: Okay. I love you.**

 **[EmBledz has logged off]**

He had forgotten about that exchange - and with good reason. It's like watching a car accident about to happen. The force will be heavy. There will be some major injuries, possibly even death, and yet, there's no way to stop it. She had told him she loved him and he didn't say it back. While he cannot remember exactly what his feelings were at that time, he knows there was already a distance brewing. What caused it? He still doesn't know. It was nothing and everything. A combination of not including him in her decision to bail out Daphne, Tank, and just being apart.

Not that he wants to blame everything on Bay. That's far too easy. He did things too. Kept things from her. Or maybe it was just no matter how hard they both tried to put the past behind them, no matter how many times Bay said she forgave him for his indiscretion with Simone, it was still there in the background, hovering like a ghost. Ghost of relationship screw ups. And if he's being honest, he's guilty of doing the same thing. It was hard for him to get over what happened with Tank. He can admit that now. He could even admit that then. Maybe he did push her away because of it. It's funny how his relationship with Bay was so full of contradictions and parallels. How they both pushed each other away at points and held on for dear life at others. How they laid it all on the line and at other times, hid away their true feelings.

If there was a chance in hell of them working out this time and there was to be no more back and forth nonsense, they'd have to talk. Really talk. When was the last time they had done that? A gnawing thought writhes around his mind. As close as they were, as in love as they were, had they ever _really_ talked? And if they hadn't, how the hell were they going to do that now after all of this time? Even worse? What if Bay has moved on for good?

###

 _Saturday, May 19, 2018; Bay 1 p.m._

"Bay, quit checking your phone," Toby says, bringing her out of her fog.

"I'm sorry Toby, what did you say?"

Toby pinches the bridge of his nose. He's clearly reeking of frustration with his little sister. She's supposed to be helping him move and instead she's mooning over her ex-boyfriend.

"Nothing."

"I suck, I know. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. You don't suck. You're just…."

"I'm just what?"

He gives her a flat smile. "In love."

"I don't think I've ever been out of love if I am being honest."

Toby snorts. "No shit. Tell me something I don't know."

"It's been three days since I sent the card. Shouldn't he have gotten it by now?"

"Not necessarily. It's not like California is around the corner, you know."

"Yeah."

"I'm sure he'll contact you in some way when he gets it."

"Yeah," she responds, but her voice is not filled with confidence at all.

###

Three hours - and not much help to Toby - later, she's back in her room. She doesn't know if it's all the emotions she's been experiencing lately, but she's exhausted. And yet, she's wide awake. Turning her attention to the closet, she knows that even though it's hidden (the only way she could keep it out of sight) her box of Emmett memorabilia is there, burning a hole in her chest. She rummages through her closet until she finds it. The last time she looked through it was after the breakup when she was filling it with even more mementos from their second go-around.

She smiles when she comes across the Carlton yearbook. It's funny how life turns out sometimes. There was a time in their relationship when Bay and Emmett both had doubts about making a relationship work. Relationships are always difficult; this much is true. But add in a language barrier, hormones, the boy's best friend who was now the girl's switchster, and it makes a relationship ten times more difficult. Somehow though they had made it to being voted King and Queen of prom. How? Bay still doesn't know.

She flips open the yearbook and turns to the last page, the page she had left designated for Emmett. Her heart is heavy when she reads what he wrote.

Dear Bay,

It's crazy to believe that four years ago, I didn't even know you. And now you're the person I know best in this world. I know we have been through a lot these past few years and we'll probably go through more. I just want you to remember one thing: I just want you. Now. Tomorrow. Forever.

I love you.

-Emmett.

If only she had made different choices. It's not that she wanted Daphne to suffer. But she was short sighted in the way it would all play out. She thought she could have it all and do it all. Be the sisterly saviour - although she never wanted credit - and be with Emmett. But there's a reason we only have two arms. It's a reminder that we can only be stretched so thin.

Although it wasn't just deciding to take the fall for Daphne. A big part of it was not letting Emmett know beforehand. Even if everything had turned out the same way, at least Emmett would have felt included. She remembers a conversation she had with Alex that stemmed from a fight. Not a big fight, but a fight nevertheless.

" _You shut people out, Bay. People who care. And that's hurtful. The worst part? I don't even think you're aware that you're doing it. It's not some conscious decision to be a martyr. I think you genuinely don't want to burden people. But guess what? If someone wants to be a part of someone's life, then they have to realize it's not only about sharing the good times. It's about taking on some of the burdens too. You're not being selfish by asking for help or by letting people take some of your emotional weight. That's what relationships are. Sometimes you just give too damn much Bay, and you leave nothing left to take."_

You leave nothing left to take.

As she continues shuffling through the box, she comes across a postcard that she had completely forgotten about. It was from Chicago. She meant to send it to Emmett, but she never did.

Dear Emmett,

I found something out on this trip and I need to talk to you about it. I hope you're having a good weekend back home.

I love you,

Bay.

She had never sent it. She's not sure why. Maybe she was afraid that the way Emmett and her started up again - by cheating on Tank - set them up for failure. That any bad news would send them teetering over the edge. That although she forgave Emmett, she never really pushed his betrayal out of her mind. It was always there. What if Emmett hurt her again? The first time they had been together she let him in all the way. Completely. He had full access to her heart and soul. She would have done anything for him, given him anything. Would have stood up against the firing squad. In a way, that is what she had done. Going to Melody. Going to Cameron. And then Emmett obliterated that in one fell swoop and it rocked her world.

If they were going to work this time, Bay would have to be all in. Ready for whatever happened. No bars hold crazy messy in love. She promises herself that if Emmett contacts her, she'll tell him everything. Every little thought that comes into her head, no matter how miniscule.

She's ready. More ready than she's ever been.

###

 _Emmett - 11 a.m._

There's nobody home when he walks into his house. His mom and Gabe had taken off shortly after the commencement ceremony for a short vacation of their own. Not that he can't be alone by himself. He's twenty-three. A man. But coming back home is always a surreal experience. He used to spend so much time here when he was younger. There's a lot of memories in this house. But memories aren't meant to stay in one place. They go with you and you make new ones.

He makes his way into his bedroom and laughs at how little it has changed. He hasn't lived here in a long time, but Melody always made it clear that this is still his room if ever he needs a place to stay. His bed still feels the same he thinks as he sits down. Always comfortable. He vaguely remembers sticking his Carlton yearbook under there. Curious, he sticks his head under and sure enough, there it is. There's a part of himself that is admonishing him to not do this. Hadn't he already put himself through enough on the plane with his walk down Bay lane? But that's the thing about love. It makes you do crazy things.

He remembers leaving the first page for Bay exclusively.

Dear Emmett,

Even though we met during our sophomore year, when i think of high school, i inevitably think of you and of us. you, me, us, it's been such a huge part of my life that i cannot even imagine you not being in my life. i am so excited to start a life with you in california. we may not have a lot in terms of money, but we have each other and i think we have proven to the world by now that is enough.

I love you.

Happy Graduation

Bay

His heart clenches. He had been so hopeful that they would make it. And they didn't. Maybe this is a mistake, being here. They tried twice and failed both time. First time because he was an idiot. Second time because she was. Okay, that was harsh. Bay could never be an idiot. Not to him. They had both made mistakes. Hurtful, painful mistakes. And he suspects they still hold onto the pain. He's still a little angry at her for choosing Daphne. And Bay is probably still a little angry at him for Simone. Anger is an easy emotion. It doesn't require being vulnerable. Forgiveness, though, is a different story. To really forgive, to really throw yourself into being with someone, you need to be vulnerable. The first time around, he couldn't. It was all too much. His parents. Bay. He put up walls and then when he was ready to let them down and let Bay all the way in, it was too late. He had betrayed her. So he waited. But then it was Bay's turn to have walls up.

Is what they say about the third time being a charm correct? Could he and Bay finally meet halfway? Could they both go into this ready to give each other everything? No walls? No bullshit?

His buzzing phone distracts him from mulling over his answer.

 **You back in KC?**

It was from Travis. He had texted him before booking a ticket. Just to make sure Bay wasn't married or something.

 _I'm thinking about coming home_ , he had written.

 _For real? Why?_

 _Bay. But before I do, I need to know, is she available?_

I _f you're asking if she's seeing someone, the answer is no. She was with someone but they broke up._

He had felt relieved, but also sad. Sad that Bay had been with someone and relieved that she no longer was. Not that he had any right to hold claim over Bay when he had been bed buddies with Skye for more than a few months now. But Bay or no Bay, he and Skye were done. Of that he was sure.

 **Yeah, I am home,** he answers Travis.

 **When are you going to see her?**

 **Not sure** , he types.

 **Why don't you just text her? Let her know you're in town?**

 **I don't know. Maybe I'm just waiting to see if we end up in the same place without any help.**

 **No offense, but that's kind of the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Just text her!**

 **I gotta go.**

He shuts his phone off and lays on his bed. He's so exhausted. What he needs is sleep.

###

 _5 p.m._

Toby finally finishes moving the last of the boxes. A lot of help his sister had been. He sighs and hears his phone ring.

 **Toby, it's Travis. Emmett is in town and he wants to see Bay, but he isn't going to text her. Should we do something?**

He rolls his eyes. When would those two idiots just stop fighting it and go for it? As in marriage, kids, the whole kit-n-caboodle? Normally he was a mind your own business type of dude, but he - and really everyone around them - was so tired of the Bay and Emmett merry go around. If this helped them get their shit together, then he was going to do it.

 **Definitely.**

###

 _Bay, 5:15 p.m._

She's just about to make herself something to eat when she's alerted to a text message.

 **Need to see you. It's important. Lake House Meadow Park at 8?**

What in the world did Toby want now? All she wanted was a night of peace. But Toby was her brother so of course she would meet him.

 **I'll be there.**

###

 _Emmett, 5:17 p.m._

Travis's latest text message has him confused as all heck. Why did he need to see him at the Lake House? Why couldn't he just come to his house? It's not like he didn't know where it was. The guy had lived here.

 **Can't you just come here?**

 **No can do. Please?**

Frustrated and feeling trapped, he responds.

 **Fine, but this better be worth it.**

###

 _Bay - 8:05_

She arrives a little after eight, hoping that Toby won't mind. But if he had a problem with it, well too damn bad. It was five minutes, and there had been traffic. The Lake House looks deserted which is not unusual in and of itself. Only Toby had specifically asked her to meet him here. And it's not like Toby to not show up somewhere. She's about to text him when she notices the twinkle lights. And is that picnic table complete with candlelight?

What the...

All of the sudden she hears someone walking behind her. It's easy to tell if someone is with you here since it is a secluded wooded area. Somehow she knows it's him. And she's not ready. But she is.

 _Be brave Bay._

She takes a deep breath and turns around, finally coming face to face with the man she gave her heart to all those years ago. The one who will always have it.


	6. Chapter 6

_Emmett - 8:06_

He was not expecting this. Not in the least. There's a part of him that is totally and completely pissed. Travis ambushed him. He should have known. But then the other part of him sees her and he's about two seconds away from crumbling. She's always had the power to make him come undone.

That has never ever changed.

He's always been able to hold his resolve until he looks at her. And yeah, then he's just fucking done.

She's still beautiful, he notes, even more beautiful if such a thing were humanly possible.

He's looking at him and he's looking at her and he doesn't know what to expect or what to say. You know how you can know the lyrics to a favorite song by heart? But then someone asks you to recite them and your mind is just one big ball of blank.

Bay is his song. The lyrics are everything about her and him. Stuff he told her in the past. Stuff he has wanted to tell her for so long now. But now she's right there, literally standing a few feet in front of him, and he has nothing.

"Emmett," she says cautiously.

Screw it. He doesn't want to say anything. He just wants to hold her. And so he takes two big strides towards her - that's all he needs - and takes her into his arms. He kisses her like he's never kissed her - or any girl really - before. He's been denied oxygen all this time and Bay is his oxygen tank.

 _Bay_

He's kissing her, like really kissing her and it feels so good. She remembers Rivas Canyon and the first time they slept together. Emmett knows how to make her feel good. Not that it's fair to do that, to compare lovers. But there's so many things about Emmett that makes him the best she's ever had.

As much as she wants to repeat that moment, she knows they can't. Not yet. They have to talk first. Jumping into bed wouldn't solve anything.

But it takes everything she has to pull away.

"Stop, Emmett, we need to stop."

 _Emmett_

"Stop, Emmett, we need to stop," she tells him.

And he gets it. They can't just fast forward to the good parts. As much as they probably both want to.

He looks deep into her gorgeous eyes. They're an oasis of understanding and of admiration and love. If he's being honest, sometimes he's envious of those who have never been enthralled by one Bay Kennish. Because once she has you, you're done. All it takes is one look into those eyes. Worst part? She doesn't even know what she's doing, the power she has. No wonder it had been hard for them to let go. Not just him, but Ty. Tank.

He figures Liam and Noah were too shallow to really understand Bay's appeal. Good riddance. They didn't deserve her.

"Okay," he tells her, "we'll stop."

She shrugs. "It's not that I don't want to. Believe me, I do, but…."

He nods. "I know."

His attention turns to the ambiance.

"Is this your work?" he asks motioning to the twinkle lights.

Bay shakes her head. "No." Then she looks at him mulling over what to say. "Who asked you to come here? Toby?"

Toby, ugh, that jerk. Of course he had been in on it too.

"Nope. Travis."

A small laugh escapes from her.

"I feel like we've been Parent Trapped ."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." He shuffles his feet, a habit he's only recently gotten into when he's unsure of a situation. "But they look like they put a lot of work into it. So maybe we should just humor them?"

"We should. Wouldn't want this going to waste."

In addition to the candelabra, there's a few covered up dishes, and a note marked Bay & Emmett.

He picks it up and hands it to her.

"I guess we should read it?"

"Probably."

The note says:

 **"Dear Bay and Emmett,**

 **We went to a lot of trouble to set this up for you two, so use it to your advantage. Talk. Work it out. Don't come back until you're either broken up for good or engaged. Seriously.**

 **Love,**

 **Toby & Travis**

 **P.S. You're both idiots."**

"Well, they're subtle," Bay notes, sarcasm in her tone.

"Yep."

"And I'm feeling the love," she adds.

"Me too. Being called an idiot always turns me on."

That causes a raised eyebrow from Bay.

Emmett takes a seat at the picnic table and Bay follows.

"So…." Bay begins unsure of where to start. Where exactly do you start when there's so much to cover? So much between them has been left unsaid. At some point, you kind of just forget what you wanted to say or why it even mattered in the first place. Life is funny that way. What seems important at fifteen is trivial at thirty. What you think will kill you in high school barely makes a dent in mid-life.

"Bay -

But just as he starts to speak, Mother Nature has other plans. With hardly any warning, the skies open up and a vicious thunderstorm is upon them.

"The Lake House, go!" Emmett instructs Bay.

Bay follows his instructions and runs in. Emmett closes the door behind them. Emmett takes in the scene. The Lake House is really just an abandoned shed. Back in the day, it used to be a lot more vibrant. People could come here and rent kayaks for the day. There was even a restaurant, but it burned down. The only remnant remaining is this shed they are in right now.

Bay looks at him, half-smiling. "Figures this would happen to us."

"Yeah. Just our luck."

She nods, but doesn't say anything.

He looks at her as she's staring out the window. He tries not to, but he can't. It's probably a little creepy, but she's been miles away for so long. And now, here she is. Right in front of him. In the flesh. But for some reason, she still feels so far away.


	7. Chapter 7

_Bay_

She feels Emmett watching her and it makes her nervous. There's so much at stake. A relationship can fail once and be repaired. Twice even. But three times? They wouldn't get any more chances after this. So she doesn't want to say anything. Not yet. But she is going to say something.

He's too close to her. She feels herself twitch as he comes up beside her.

"How long do you think it'll last?"

She wonders if Emmett can pick apart her subtext. On the surface, she's asking about the rain. But what she really means is how long will we last this time?

He holds her glance for a minute and then says, "I don't know. Guess we'll have to wait it out."

Out of the corner of her eye, she spots a mattress standing upright near one of the walls. It's old and rusty, but it's a mattress. She nudges Emmett whose attention seems to be on the rain. When he sees it, he looks at Bay.

"Want to help me move it?"

"Okay."

Together they manage to get it away from the wall and lay it in as close to the center of the room as they can.

Emmett motions for Bay to sit down. So, she does. Then she takes out her phone.

"They're predicting this monsoon to last all night," she says, showing Emmett her weather app.

"Oh," is all Emmett has in response.

Bay feels herself shivering. And not slightly, but full on tremors. She doesn't know if it's the rain or being here with Emmett or both. Whatever the cause, she cannot stop shaking.

"You've shaking like a leaf," Emmett tells her, noting the obvious. Then he takes off his jacket and wraps it around her.

"Thanks."

"Of course."

They are sitting on the mattress side-by-side and it's almost too much to handle. There is so much she wants to say, and yet, something is holding her back. But she wants to be brave. _Forge ahead, Bay._

She faces him and starts to speak.

"Em -

But then he starts to as well.

"Bay -

They both begin to laugh.

"You first," Emmett insists.

"Okay." She crosses her legs so she is sitting Indian style. "I don't think I ever really got over what happened with you and Simone. And let me be clear: I'm not bringing this up so you can apologize. You don't have to. I'm just trying to make sense of everything." Emmett raises his chin, urging her to go on. "I guess where we fell apart the second time is that I kept things from you. I was afraid, Emmett. I trusted you implicitly the first time we were together. I got so burned." She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, forcing herself to continue. But reliving all of her - their - mistakes is painful. "I wanted to be with you, so badly. I was afraid. Terrified even. I needed to keep my distance. I tried so hard, but you pulled me back in. When I saw you that night at Rivas Canyon...I've never been more afraid in my life. The whole time I was driving over there, my mind was racing. I kept thinking "What if Matthew is hurting him?" and the thought of losing you for real, that was enough for me to let my guard down. And as beautiful as that night was, looking back, I think it set everything off course. You know. Suddenly I was the bad guy, the cheater. I tried to ignore that. All I wanted to focus on was you, us. Somehow, though, I couldn't let you all the way in. Even though we had slept together. The breaking point was when I took the fall for Daphne. I know that now. I don't hate Daphne. I'm sorry if you want me to. But if I could go back, I would do it all differently. I would like to think we've grown up the past few years. Maybe now we could make this work. Start fresh."

 _Emmett_

He takes in what Bay has just said, and it's a lot. He doesn't know what to say, even though it's his turn.

"I was hurt when you didn't include me in the decision about Daphne. If you had just told me, even if you had gone along with it, at least then I would have felt like I - we - mattered. I know I did. And we did. I mean, I know that now. Probably like I hope you know now that despite what happened with Simone, you always mattered. We've both made mistakes, Bay. If I'm being honest, maybe I wanted you to feel jealous about Skye. Maybe I wanted you to really regret not coming to California with me. But I should have told you that. I never really did though. So, I can't lay that all on you. I'd like to think that we have learned from our experiences. And that we could be a strong couple after everything. We each had our screw ups. Neither of us are perfect. Know what though? I don't want perfection. Perfection isn't real. Life is real. Life is messy. It's not black and white. I hurt you; you hurt me. We've both been there and done that. I've never stopped loving you. Bay. Not for a second. You're the love of my life."

"You're the love of _my_ life, Emmett," she says.

"I don't want to lose you again, Bay. I don't know how I got through the first two times. I really don't want to find out a third time. But we have to talk more." He laughs. Not sure why though. "Sometimes I think we're so alike it's scary. We both have a tendency to keep things bottled up." He locks eyes with her. "We _can't_ do that anymore."

Bay reaches for his hand and squeezes it. "I know."


	8. Epilogue

They never told anyone the specifics of that night, of how they found their way back to each other. They figured no one needed to know. It was their journey and their story, and everyone else? Well, they'd just have to be OK with the Cliffnotes version.

It bugged the hell out of the lot of them, especially since Bay and Emmett had gone and stayed cooped up in their little love nest without informing anyone of their whereabouts or whether they were even, you know, alive.

Serves them right, the lovers figured, for all their meddling. But in all actuality, they would be forever grateful to their loved ones for never letting either of them forget their history and their destiny. But while they were grateful, they also were cautious in sharing their life together with the outside world. Not that they expected to live in a bubble. That would be wildly unrealistic. It was more like knowing the answer to a riddle or being entrusted with a juicy secret. The more people who know or find out, the less special it ends up being.

Their love was epic and magical simply because _they_ felt it and _they_ knew it. No other opinions mattered.

 _"So, what now?" Emmett had asked Bay as they indulged in some post-coital bliss._

 _"Now? Hmm. Well, I think...I think we should get married."_

 _Bay glanced over her shoulder in order to see Emmett's reaction._

 _"Are you serious?"_

 _"Yeah. Unless you don't want to - "_

 _"No, no. I do. I'm surprised, I guess. I thought you'd want to take more time..."_

 _"Oh, Emmett. Haven't we taken enough time? Aren't we both bored with that?"_

 _He did have to laugh at the absurdity of his question._

 _"Okay then. Married."_

 _"You and me."_

 _"Me and you."_

 _"Emmett and Bay."_

 _"Bay and Emmett."_

And that was how they found themselves at a little chapel twelve hours later exchanging vows.

To this day, only they know their true wedding anniversary. It felt right that way...mostly. Sometimes, though only sometimes, they'd wonder if they had been selfish.

Of course they ended up having the big to-do wedding later on so that their families could be included. They drove back to Mission Hills sans the wedding band. Instead, an engagement ring appeared on Bay's finger as an impostor. To their surprise, not a one out of the four parental units objected to the impromptu engagement after being separated for quite a number of years. What would be the point?

So, exactly a month to the day of their actual nuptials, Bay and Emmett said their vows again; this time, in front of their friends and family.

In the end, they would decide that no, it wasn't selfish. They had given enough of themselves to others, albeit in different ways, but nevertheless, the truth remained, this was their time to give only to each other.

And they did.

Every now and again after hearing their story, yes, you know it too, the one about the switched-at-birth graffiti artist and the Deaf motorcycle-riding photographer, people would ask how they made it work. What kept bringing them into each other's orbits?

"The reach," they'd say. It was all about the reach.


End file.
